All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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