OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
