how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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