I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
