About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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