Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this just has baby written all over it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
