AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The best revenge is premature balding
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
