when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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