i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
