nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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