my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
