I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
