I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
