Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
