Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
