Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
