So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
