I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
