My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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