omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
