What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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