I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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