I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
