were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize