Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
