bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Everyone says I win the strip club
True strength comes from lack of pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
