I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize