Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
