Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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