Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
