When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
