I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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