will power is for people who don't want to get laid
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
