Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just found a bag of teeth...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
