sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
