Please don't use social media to get back at me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
