I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize