i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
