Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
