He kissed a someone with a penis
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
