Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
