He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
