The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
