I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
