you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
