I'm gonna have a badass scar
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
