Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
