the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
