He told me they were just razor bumps!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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