After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
