oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
